Open my eyes
I want to see what You see
Show me the view
Let me feel what You feel
Open my world
I want the air You breathe
Show me the life
That’s in You
I'm feeling all disconcerted today. I know part of what's going on with me (spiritual warfare stuff), but otherwise, I'm unsure. It's funny how when I become more aware of what God's doing around me, I tend to exaggerate the other direction at times and freak out when I don't feel like He's leading me clearly enough. It's silly to believe God can control everything, yet doubt His ability to communicate with me when He needs to. Sometimes, my limits on God are frankly appalling.
I'm working on a life timeline in Beth right now. It's been interesting to try to summarize the first 13 years of my life on a piece of a paper. I certainly begin to realize how much I've been blessed and how many different ways I've seen God work throughout my entire life. It also really illustrates how I feel about Dad more clearly. My view of Dad as I was growing up is totally different than how I think of him now. I really used to have a superhero view of him, and now it's sort of like he's a totally different person in my psyche. Almost like my father died and this new guy is married to my mom and a little crazy to boot. It's really quite sad and probably indicates how I've not really dealt with the changes in Dad in a healthy way. It makes me wonder if/when I will.
"Oh, the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!
'Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been his counselor?'
'Who has ever given to God,
that God should repay Him?'
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forver! Amen."
-Romans 11:33-36
1 comment:
I wanted to tell you I've been praying for you specifically in regards to dad over the past couple weeks. I feel like it's a big part of you that's been changing and adjusting, as dad has been changing. I think that in a way God and Dad - more what they represent - are closely tied together for all of us, but especially you.
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