Believing God...sorta

Last week, I was convicted that I simply wasn't praying anymore. Not that God wasn't still speaking to me (He was), but that I wasn't speaking to Him. It wasn't like a huge fight, or a disagreement, or an identifiable break in our relationship; I simply stopped talking to Him. Even when I realized it, I justified it:
"Well, I just changed my routines, so I've not really settled into one that includes God yet,"
"He's still communicating with me and using me, so it's not a big deal,"
"He's not really convicted me about this yet, so I think I'm okay."
(How easy it is to justify anything. Anytime I begin to believe this isn't true, I just need to pull out a history book and be reminded :-/)
Anyway, when I said it out loud (thank God for best friends!), I realized how eternally stupid I sounded and made a decision to begin to pray again. This has led to one of the coolest weeks ever! God has constantly funneled situations and people my way to be praying about all week. It's been awesome! All of the sudden, I've been able to look at my life without focusing exclusively on me and instead see the ways God is working around me and through me. It's cool. Until this morning...
I woke up not feeling well (which is not an excuse...well, really it is an excuse) and tired. This led to a lot of time wasted this morning. When I went to get into my car, I felt a God-twinge, which meant He was speaking to me, and I felt like I wasn't supposed to leave yet. I told myself that I really didn't have time to sit around and waste; I needed to get to work (notice, "myself" instead of "God"). This led to me driving to work on just about the crappiest roads I've been on this winter, knowing the entire way that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Finally, about a block from work, I broke down and prayed, asking God what He wanted me to do (assuming He would tell me to go on to work as I was almost there). God told me to turn around and go back. I felt so stupid. Anyway, I turned around and went home, praying the whole way. I ended up shoveling snow at my house until God said to go back to work. It was all good; God used it in my life and it certainly wasn't a problem that I wasn't at work (in fact, I realize now I wasn't supposed to be there), but why is it so hard for me to surrender and trust God - especially when I've seen what He does with my surrendered heart??!?!
I'm excited to be finishing the Beth Moore study that inspired the start of this blog, but I think I'm going to continue this blog for a while as I really have a lot of things to learn about believing God. Today, I'm going to believe that what He says is best for me, even when it contradicts my plans!