Listened to Beth's message for Session 2 tonight. Sometimes, I feel like I need two writing hands to keep up with stuff that sticks out to me! I wanted to write these down before I forget them:
Great wisdom resides in taking an inventory of how we have developed our present perceptions of God - do I see God as powerless, unhelpful, unwilling, unable, insufficient, mean, or not God at all? Where did I get my views of God? Was it from (even well-meaning) people who tried to make God behave and fit into their boxes of Him? Am I carving a god out of the image of man (Ps. 135:18 - "those who make them [idols] will be like them).
Sometimes we may realize we have created a god in man's own image - We will be reflections of the god we perceive. We will never have faith that exceeds the strength of the god we perceive. Our God has to be the God of the Bible because He's the only One who can truly save us. The god that some of us have been taught does not have the power to deliver us. We are directly affected by who we believe God is. Who does my life testify God to be? Does God recognize Himself in how I describe Him, or is such a morphed, watered-down, limited perception that when I pray to Him, He asks, "Kiddo, are you talking to Me? I don't even recognize myself."
This weekend was such a challenge. I fought and fought God, resisting trusting Him even with the small things that He asked of me. What would it look like if I truly loosed God's Spirit in my life? What if I finally let His personality reign in my heart (which would mean that I would trust God fully as the Holy Spirit does)? Would I set my world on fire? Am I so afraid of being burned that I won't even try?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
My unbelief
Was working on Beth today and she had us read Mark 9:14-32. I've always imagined Jesus' tone in the passage to be extremely passionate. He's just come off the mountain where Elijah and Moses appear with him and He runs into his disciples arguing with the teachers of the law surrounded by a crowd. What a let-down! I mean, you just got done talking with two patriarchs of the the O.T. and your immediately confronted with a cat-fight. He even says to them " O unbelieving generation, how long will I put up with you?" The argument centers around a boy who has been possessed by a demon since birth. Jesus demands the boy be brought to him and the father says "if you can do anything, please take pity on us." Jesus says, "If you can?" [emphasis added] and then explains that all things are possible for him who believes. The boy's father cries out "I do believe; help me with my unbelief!"
If I were to get a tattoo, I think that last phrase would have to be incorporated somehow! I was thinking a lot this week about dreams I have given up based on the limitations I have put on myself and God. What's my deal? Why do I think that I need to give God a safety net? Even in my prayers, I always give Him choices. When will I simply believe that He will do what He says He is going to do? Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing okay with my faith. Like, I'm depending on God to do what He says He will do in most areas. Then, when I'm faced with the facts, I realize the extent of my own organization of my life and contingency plans and realize that I'm really not believing God at all, but doing my own thing and asking Him to rubber-stamp my plans. Even though this has not been as bad the past several months (as I've been really praying more), I still feel like it's my biggest struggle. When will I stop doubting God's love for me and desire to bless me and simply believe? Lord, help me with my unbelief!
If I were to get a tattoo, I think that last phrase would have to be incorporated somehow! I was thinking a lot this week about dreams I have given up based on the limitations I have put on myself and God. What's my deal? Why do I think that I need to give God a safety net? Even in my prayers, I always give Him choices. When will I simply believe that He will do what He says He is going to do? Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing okay with my faith. Like, I'm depending on God to do what He says He will do in most areas. Then, when I'm faced with the facts, I realize the extent of my own organization of my life and contingency plans and realize that I'm really not believing God at all, but doing my own thing and asking Him to rubber-stamp my plans. Even though this has not been as bad the past several months (as I've been really praying more), I still feel like it's my biggest struggle. When will I stop doubting God's love for me and desire to bless me and simply believe? Lord, help me with my unbelief!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Forgiveness
Was reading a new book by Gary Chapman today titled "Love as a Way of Life." Was very convicted about forgiveness (or my lack of). I really liked his section titled "Loving the person who refuses to apologize." Highlights below:
Habits to Acquire: If the person who hurt you will not or cannot apologize, remember that it is still possible to release your anger toward her/him.
1. Release - release the person to God, Who is both just and loving. I am not compelled to seek revenge, because I have made the choice to release both my anger and the person who wronged me to God's justice and love.
2. Confess - confess your own failures in the situation. Anger should be a visitor, not a resident.
3. Return Good for Bad - express love even to those who mistreat us.
4. Use Your Pain Well - when you follow the above three steps, you will be free to go on with your life and use your time and energy in a constructive way.
Fear is a competitor to forgiveness, but it is not as strong as love. When we love others who wrong us, we find a freedom from our fears that allows us to enjoy our relationships like never before.
I especially liked the "anger should be a visitor" part. It is very convicting to me! I like to give it a bedroom and charge rent way too often!
Habits to Acquire: If the person who hurt you will not or cannot apologize, remember that it is still possible to release your anger toward her/him.
1. Release - release the person to God, Who is both just and loving. I am not compelled to seek revenge, because I have made the choice to release both my anger and the person who wronged me to God's justice and love.
2. Confess - confess your own failures in the situation. Anger should be a visitor, not a resident.
3. Return Good for Bad - express love even to those who mistreat us.
4. Use Your Pain Well - when you follow the above three steps, you will be free to go on with your life and use your time and energy in a constructive way.
Fear is a competitor to forgiveness, but it is not as strong as love. When we love others who wrong us, we find a freedom from our fears that allows us to enjoy our relationships like never before.
I especially liked the "anger should be a visitor" part. It is very convicting to me! I like to give it a bedroom and charge rent way too often!
I have not because I ask not...
Was reading in Judges 13 tonight, which tells the story of the birth of Samson. I know I've read it before, but I was struck by something different tonight. However, background first...
Samson's parents had been childless. An angel of the Lord appears to the wife and tells her that she's going to have a son and that he will be a Nazirite (set apart for God's work). She's so excited that she goes to her husband and tells him, but also tells him that she forgot to ask what the "man of God's name was" (she didn't know he was an angel) or anything else about raising this kid. The father (Manoah) cries out to God, asking him to send the "man of God" back to them to tell them how to raise this kid. God hears his prayer and sends the angel again, who eventually reveals himself as an angel and gives them more particulars on how to raise this kid(sidenote: verses 22-23 are one of the best examples of a practical wife I've read in a long time, but that's neither here nor there).
So, as I'm reading this, I'm considering what I would have done in this situation had I been Manoah. If I was told that a man of God had come to my spouse and I had missed it, would I have cried out to God and asked him to send the man back? Looking at myself honestly, I probably wouldn't have. I probably would have said, "Man! I missed out!" and tried to muddle through on my own raising the kid the best I could have. The thing I need to ask myself is why wouldn't I ask God for help?
I really set myself up. I believe with the best of 'em that God wants to do great things in and through me, but again and again I try to do the things I think I can handle on my own. For example, I was taking an aptitude test tonight in class and did I ask God for help? No.
I know the reasoning (in fact, I can explain it backwords, forwards, standing on my head, and swimming underwater eating crackers), but it's really, really wrong. God has a desire to be a part of EVERYTHING in my life. I firmly believe that. I don't necessarily believe that He wants to take my aptitude test for me, but I do believe that He wants to be a part of it. I don't have Him as a part of things because I don't ask for Him to be a part of things. I just need to ask. Who knows? Perhaps someday He will send the angel back or complete the verbal reasoning section for me. I'll never know unless I ask, right?
Samson's parents had been childless. An angel of the Lord appears to the wife and tells her that she's going to have a son and that he will be a Nazirite (set apart for God's work). She's so excited that she goes to her husband and tells him, but also tells him that she forgot to ask what the "man of God's name was" (she didn't know he was an angel) or anything else about raising this kid. The father (Manoah) cries out to God, asking him to send the "man of God" back to them to tell them how to raise this kid. God hears his prayer and sends the angel again, who eventually reveals himself as an angel and gives them more particulars on how to raise this kid(sidenote: verses 22-23 are one of the best examples of a practical wife I've read in a long time, but that's neither here nor there).
So, as I'm reading this, I'm considering what I would have done in this situation had I been Manoah. If I was told that a man of God had come to my spouse and I had missed it, would I have cried out to God and asked him to send the man back? Looking at myself honestly, I probably wouldn't have. I probably would have said, "Man! I missed out!" and tried to muddle through on my own raising the kid the best I could have. The thing I need to ask myself is why wouldn't I ask God for help?
I really set myself up. I believe with the best of 'em that God wants to do great things in and through me, but again and again I try to do the things I think I can handle on my own. For example, I was taking an aptitude test tonight in class and did I ask God for help? No.
I know the reasoning (in fact, I can explain it backwords, forwards, standing on my head, and swimming underwater eating crackers), but it's really, really wrong. God has a desire to be a part of EVERYTHING in my life. I firmly believe that. I don't necessarily believe that He wants to take my aptitude test for me, but I do believe that He wants to be a part of it. I don't have Him as a part of things because I don't ask for Him to be a part of things. I just need to ask. Who knows? Perhaps someday He will send the angel back or complete the verbal reasoning section for me. I'll never know unless I ask, right?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
God's Purpose
"I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills His purpose for me.
He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
God sends His love and faithfulness."
to God who fulfills His purpose for me.
He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
God sends His love and faithfulness."
-Psalm 57:2-3
This verse meant a lot to me tonight, especially as I look at the big picture of trying to believe God. I love that God sends His love and faithfulness to me :-) He is going to fulfill His purpose in me; that's one more thing I can believe about Him.
Sancti-what?
Sanctify
–verb (used with object), -fied, -fy·ing.
1. to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate
Beth (Moore) challenged us tonight in the study to do something in the next nine weeks of our study to raise our level of sanctification (I'm not sure exactly how she said it, but the bottom line was to give something up or do something that would create a mind-set of having this time set apart for God).
I'm struggling with this tonight. On the one hand, I feel like there are some things I could give up to set apart this time as sacred, reminding myself that I want to remove hindrances that will distract me. On the other hand, I tend to be legalistic to begin with and I don't want to miss what God has for me because I'm so busy avoiding certain activities in order to see Him better. I feel like before I "give something up" or "do something different," I really need to have a clear direction from God. On the other hand, it's hard to give stuff up, so I need to be open to the idea that God might be asking me to set aside an activity (or two) in order to have more time to set apart for Him. More to come on this I guess. In the meantime, I'm wearing a blue cord on my wrist and in addition to reminding myself of what is going on here, I'm also going to remind myself that I'm looking for God to lead me, especially in the direction of sanctification.
I enjoyed the time tonight. We pretty much spent the whole time in study listening to the first session's tape. A couple of things really stuck out, but the first was certainly when she said "I believe we can live our whole lives and never make it to the promised land." Her assertion is that the promised land for the Christian is NOT heaven, but a place of possession where my theology meets my reality (when my walk looks like my talk). I want this in theory, but I'm not sure that I really WANT it yet. It is going to be interesting to see if/when my heart and head align during this nine weeks.
The second thing was her five statement pledge of faith:
1. God is Who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He will do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
Man, if I can truly believe these things, there ain't nothing in this world that can stop me from reaching my promised land!! I'm excited about this study. It will be cool to see what God is gonna do!
–verb (used with object), -fied, -fy·ing.
1. to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate
Beth (Moore) challenged us tonight in the study to do something in the next nine weeks of our study to raise our level of sanctification (I'm not sure exactly how she said it, but the bottom line was to give something up or do something that would create a mind-set of having this time set apart for God).
I'm struggling with this tonight. On the one hand, I feel like there are some things I could give up to set apart this time as sacred, reminding myself that I want to remove hindrances that will distract me. On the other hand, I tend to be legalistic to begin with and I don't want to miss what God has for me because I'm so busy avoiding certain activities in order to see Him better. I feel like before I "give something up" or "do something different," I really need to have a clear direction from God. On the other hand, it's hard to give stuff up, so I need to be open to the idea that God might be asking me to set aside an activity (or two) in order to have more time to set apart for Him. More to come on this I guess. In the meantime, I'm wearing a blue cord on my wrist and in addition to reminding myself of what is going on here, I'm also going to remind myself that I'm looking for God to lead me, especially in the direction of sanctification.
I enjoyed the time tonight. We pretty much spent the whole time in study listening to the first session's tape. A couple of things really stuck out, but the first was certainly when she said "I believe we can live our whole lives and never make it to the promised land." Her assertion is that the promised land for the Christian is NOT heaven, but a place of possession where my theology meets my reality (when my walk looks like my talk). I want this in theory, but I'm not sure that I really WANT it yet. It is going to be interesting to see if/when my heart and head align during this nine weeks.
The second thing was her five statement pledge of faith:
1. God is Who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He will do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's Word is alive and active in me.
Man, if I can truly believe these things, there ain't nothing in this world that can stop me from reaching my promised land!! I'm excited about this study. It will be cool to see what God is gonna do!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
In my presumption
Was reading in Numbers last week. I was struck by the parallels between Israel and myself when I disobey. In chapter 14, the report comes back from the promised land and the people react in fear about attacking the "giants" of the land. God eventually kills the people who brought the bad report, stirring up Israel, and Israel realizes her sin. God tells them the consequence will be no promised land for any of them (with the exception of those who had faith God would be able to what He said He would). "Nevertheless, in their presumption" they went out and tried to take on the Amalekites and Canaanites without God. Obviously, they were defeated and all of them died in the desert without ever seeing the promised land.
It's so hard not to "make up" for the mistakes I make. Often, when I confess disobedience, I try so hard to make it better on my own. I travel without God, trying to clear the way ahead to show Him I can do good things. What a waste of my time! I love the phrase "Nevertheless, in their presumption" because it describes perfectly my heart condition too much of the time! I think that can help God out or make the world recognize Him more in me (after I've diminished Him in my life) by doing things that bring Him glory. I so often miss the point. God's not looking for me to go out and find battles, He's looking for me to follow Him into battles. I need to watch myself and my presumption. I need to ask first; then follow.
It's so hard not to "make up" for the mistakes I make. Often, when I confess disobedience, I try so hard to make it better on my own. I travel without God, trying to clear the way ahead to show Him I can do good things. What a waste of my time! I love the phrase "Nevertheless, in their presumption" because it describes perfectly my heart condition too much of the time! I think that can help God out or make the world recognize Him more in me (after I've diminished Him in my life) by doing things that bring Him glory. I so often miss the point. God's not looking for me to go out and find battles, He's looking for me to follow Him into battles. I need to watch myself and my presumption. I need to ask first; then follow.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Tryin' somethin' new
Lately, it feels like trying to spend time with God is like swimming upstream, in a dress (with heels and nylons), no life jacket and eight pound weights. This blog is an attempt to break up the status quo.
Starting Wednesday night (if all goes as planned), I will be starting the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore with a group of friends. I'm excited, but nervous as it seems like lately God and I are more like acquaintances rather than best friends. I've felt strongly that this is something I'm needing to do though, so I'm eager to see where God will take it.
Just finished reading the book "In the Meantime: the practice of proactive waiting" by Rob Brendle and have been convicted that I need to stop thinking of my "lions and bears" as a problem, but rather as a training device used by God to grow me into the person He desires to use. The author discusses King David's "rise to power" and I began to realize how loooooong that actually took. Waiting is so hard. Sometimes, I can relate to Luke Skywalker far more than I can relate to the teenager David, simply waiting and watching the sheep until God calls him to slay Goliath. I do NOT want to be a whiner anymore though! I need to look at this time in my life as a part of what God is doing, not as something to wade through until I get to the end of it!
Starting Wednesday night (if all goes as planned), I will be starting the Bible study "Believing God" by Beth Moore with a group of friends. I'm excited, but nervous as it seems like lately God and I are more like acquaintances rather than best friends. I've felt strongly that this is something I'm needing to do though, so I'm eager to see where God will take it.
Just finished reading the book "In the Meantime: the practice of proactive waiting" by Rob Brendle and have been convicted that I need to stop thinking of my "lions and bears" as a problem, but rather as a training device used by God to grow me into the person He desires to use. The author discusses King David's "rise to power" and I began to realize how loooooong that actually took. Waiting is so hard. Sometimes, I can relate to Luke Skywalker far more than I can relate to the teenager David, simply waiting and watching the sheep until God calls him to slay Goliath. I do NOT want to be a whiner anymore though! I need to look at this time in my life as a part of what God is doing, not as something to wade through until I get to the end of it!
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