Lift it up...do not be afraid!

In my temptation to walk away*And through the endless troubled days*There's a hundred million ways*For me to release Your praise*And by and by, through the tears*And things You've taught me through the years*My whole life was designed by You*I'll never know anyone half as true*Lift it up, I lift it up*Lift it up so You can see*Lift it up, I lift it up*Lift it up from inside of me*Lift it up, I lift it up*Lift it up so You can see*Lift it up, I lift it up*So I lift it*I lift it up to You*And I'll never forget the times that we've been through*So I lift it*I said I lift it up to You*And I surrender all of me*To You, to You, to You*Everything I'll ever be*To You, to You, to You*I surrender all of me. - Lift it Up by Thousand Foot Krutch

"You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who bring good things to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the towns of Judah, 'Here is your God!'" - Isaiah 40:9

I'm so afraid. Always concerned about really lifting what I have inside of me to God. I think I'm scared that 1) Others will look at me, askance, and ask "what on earth are you shouting about on that mountain, girl?" or 2) I will start shouting and God won't come to the party...

Was reading about Elijah this week in Bible reading. If I was on Mount Carmel, I don't know that I would have set that whole elaborate show up for God. I would have been afraid that if I did, and He didn't show up, I would have messed everyone up. What's that about??? Why do I always feel the need to defend a God Who's thoughts are so much higher than mine? Why do I constantly fear that truly connecting with Him will reveal a God Who is not big enough to handle my problems?

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, or with the breath of His hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who has understood the mind of the Lord or instructed Him as His counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten Him, and who taught Him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed Him the path of understanding?" -Isaiah 40:12-14

I think God can handle it. Now, I just need to believe it!

Would I? YES!

"Let's say that God gave you chance right now to take a sneak peek at the next ten years of your life. Would you look? Why or why not?" - Mieka Phillips in Green's Not Your Best Color

Okay, so I know the proper "Christian" answer to this should probably be "no." After all, saying "yes" sort of indicates that I am not trusting God to give me a good life or that I am unwilling to be faithful with the little things that He has given me now without a look at what He will/will not give me in the future. Regardless my answer to this question is always a loud, unequivocal, (let's face it) scream from the rooftops with a bullhorn, "YES!"

I've been so discouraged this week. A huge part of it is my future plans and having them without having them. I'm having to commit to another year of something I don't want to commit to, and in doing that, I feel like I'm signing off on another huge portion of my life, both financially and locationally (is that even a word??). God's giving me perfect peace about committing; it's just my own selfish desires and my views of the expectations of others for my life still have to die. For some reason, every time I think they are vanquished well and good, a tendril begins to wave around and softly say, "This isn't what you signed up for! What on earth are we doing this for again? Is this good for us? What are other people thinking about us? Aren't you really, really unhappy?" and manages to resuscitate the whole set of me-focused desires and false expectations again to live another day.

My desires and expectations demand a guarantee. They want a promise that this is the best life for me. They want to know that behaving in a way that defies what I want at the time will benefit me in the end. They insist on a promise.

The Holy Spirit in me reassures me over, and over, and over, and over again that following God is the best life for me. That doing what He wants and going where I sense He is leading, regardless of how I feel about it at the time, will be best for me. My experience and logic (yeah, it's crazy that I'm about to use logic in this situation) remind me that God's never let me down in the past and following Him has always been best (even when it's been really hard).

Yet, I'm discouraged tonight. I want God to just kill off everything in me that causes me to doubt Him and His plan. I want to believe.

Lord, help me with my unbelief!

What I like to hear.

Was reading in 1 Kings 12 last night where it talks about King Rehoboam. Striking to me was his lack of discernment. Instead of listening to the elders who has served the king and their advice, Rehoboam listened to his buddies. He led the people in such a way that soon nobody was following him.

It's so easy to listen to the wrong advice. I love listening to people and their different opinions, but when push comes to shove, my first responsibility is to listen to God and what He tells me to do. Granted, He often sends wisdom in the form of others along the way, but I need to be cautious not to put too much weight in bad advice!

What costs me nothing

Was reading in 1 Chronicles 21 today. It's a tough passage to read, very much about the strict nature of God, but David's response to his sin stuck out to me tonight. David had sinned against God and the bottom line was that the angel of God was standing at the edge of Araunah's field when God told him to stop killing Israelites. David was able to see the angel and went to Araunah and asked if he could buy his field for the purpose of building an altar to God and sacrifice to Him. Araunah said [my paraphrase] "Take it, and my oxen and crops too! Take whatever you need!" David's response was "No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that costs me nothing" (verse 24).

As I thought about this tonight, I thought about how many things I get credit for giving God that really cost me nothing. He has gifted me in many ways and I am able to use many of those gifts on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. People are constantly telling me what a good job I do, but in reality, those gifts I give to God by serving others often cost me nothing. My "sacrifice" isn't really a sacrifice because it doesn't cost me anything.

This is not to say that God doesn't want me to do those things for Him, or that He is only looking for sacrifices (there are plenty of Scriptures that contradict both), but looking at David's response sort of made me think. After all, David got the fact that what had happened was his responsibility and that He needed to come to God with what meant something to him. When I am looking to sacrifice, before I pat myself on the back for teaching or counseling or speaking in front of others (which are all relatively easy for me to do), I need to look at what I've given God that costs me something. After all, that's really what He's looking for: for me to lay down my own stuff and pick up the cross daily and follow Him.

Anyone want to see what's in MY box?

"Faith unchallenged is faith stifled...some of our belief systems haven't changed in so long, they have cobwebs. Believers who know what they want to believe and refuse to be challenged may have a stand of faith, but they may not have a walk of faith."

- Beth Moore

"I am God, and there is no other;

I am God and there is none like Me,"

- God (Is. 46:9)

As I've started this Bible study and have been faced with some of my own issues, I realize how much I have begun to believe I've got God figured out. I've settled into a comfortable faith, filled with a few nice armchairs, a comfy blanket, a nice fire in the fireplace, and my favorite Bible with new highlighters on the end table beside me. God has become a cozy friend, One I feel comfortable with and Who has responses I feel I can predict.

Beth pointed out in her message yesterday that God isn't called the Lion of Judah for nothing. After all, He's not exactly tame! Why do I think I want this comfort level with God? Am I afraid to leave my cozy chair and see what He's actually doing outside? After all, I hate the injustice and evil I see in the world, why do I want to just stay safe? Why do I design a beautiful box with pre-planned dimensions that I try to cram God into? God is not to be boxed, shellacked, or mounted on the wall for me to look at every once in a while as a prize I have found. He's God like no other. I want to serve a God like that!