Leaning

"Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!" - Nehemiah to the Israelites.

"Lord, what a comfort it is that You will fight for me! The battle is Yours. My battle is to trust You, lean into You with all of me. Help me to remember to trust You..." - Debbie Alsdorf

I always get this wrong. Either I fight myself, or I refuse to join the battle. I love the picture Debbie paints of leaning into God. When I think of leaning on something, I think of it has being a stable object; one that can fully support me. I think that's the trickiest part of leaning into God for me: I am constantly not in sinc with Him, so when I decide I'm too tired in my own strength, I stop and lean over and He's not there because I'm in the wrong battle entirely. Granted, that's not true (as God is never NOT there), but I do think there are times when I totally miss the battle. I'm the Israelite in on the other side of the city when the trumpet sounds who simply didn't hear it because she was too engrossed in the latest craze. I want to be leaning into God SO HARD, that those looking at me and my walk from the outside simply cannot tell where I am in comparison to God. What a cool idea: to be a seamless extension of God to the world around me.

God, help me to lean on You more and more every day!!

Deeply afraid

"The law of gravity is evident when you drop something causing it to fall straight toward the center of the earth. So it is with the laws governing the relationship between belief and behavior. What you believe affects how you behave." -William Backus and Marie Chapian

"Lord, I need to be focused on your strength and power rather than on my weakness and inability. All things are possible through You. You work out everything according to Your will, using ordinary human flesh. You use real people such as Moses, Joshua, and Jeremiah. They seem like such big and mighty men to me, but in reality they were just people learning to follow their God. Teach me how to follow you and how to walk in your strength day by day. Use me as one ordinary woman, empowered by an extraordinary God. Amen." - Debbie Alsdorf

There are so many things to be afraid of. In study today, I had to define "discouraged." I defined it as "to be deprived of confidence hope and spirit." This is in direct contrast to "courageous" which was "to be characterized by bravery." What do people see when they look at me? More importantly, what does God see when He looks at me?

My soul cries out, "God, how am I limiting You in my life today? How do I need to believe You more? I long to be ready for anything and equal to anything through You who infuse your strength in me. Not so people look at me and say how amazing I am, but so that they look at me and say how awesome You are."

Ah, the rules...and other things that keep me from God.

"When living only to keep the rules, we become like slaves. Our relationship with the Father gets reduced to something God didn't intend it to be. We were created to have intimacy with the Father. In order for this to be so, we must rely on rules, people, things, or other methods of attaining approval, significance, or righteousness. To be free, we must stay focused on Christ and His work on the cross. Jesus is the one who removed the yoke of bondage. Don't get back to it! Don't settle! God has more for you than bondage, rule-keeping, and the torment that comes from trying to live up to a standard that can never be fully attained." - Debbie Alsdorf

I love rules, regulations, guidelines, standards, and boundaries. When I go out to shovel the sidewalk, I very carefully examine where the fenceline is so that I don't go any further than the fence. When I have to confront a youth (or leader) about an issue, I love the fact that I am not relying soley on my gut, but can point to a law/guideline/rule/doctrinal standard that is responsible. I take great comfort in those things.

When I read that God isn't about me following the rules (Gal 5:2-4), but instead is about us relying on His grace through our faith, it fills me with terror. That forces me into an intimate relationship with God, instead of relying on a list of standards to follow. This doesn't mean that the rules are bad, just when they are followed sans relationship. Sometimes, I feel as though God just watches me and laughs and laughs as He sees me try to do all the stuff I'm sure He wants me to without ever asking Him if that's the case. Sometimes, I fear He is grieving all of the opportunities I miss to have a relationship with Him, instead relying on my own strength and abilities to get through life.

Freedom is what my heart desires...my head often gets right smack-dab in the way. May my law-following self submit to the relationship God longs for me to have with Him today and every day!!