My unbelief

Was working on Beth today and she had us read Mark 9:14-32. I've always imagined Jesus' tone in the passage to be extremely passionate. He's just come off the mountain where Elijah and Moses appear with him and He runs into his disciples arguing with the teachers of the law surrounded by a crowd. What a let-down! I mean, you just got done talking with two patriarchs of the the O.T. and your immediately confronted with a cat-fight. He even says to them " O unbelieving generation, how long will I put up with you?" The argument centers around a boy who has been possessed by a demon since birth. Jesus demands the boy be brought to him and the father says "if you can do anything, please take pity on us." Jesus says, "If you can?" [emphasis added] and then explains that all things are possible for him who believes. The boy's father cries out "I do believe; help me with my unbelief!"

If I were to get a tattoo, I think that last phrase would have to be incorporated somehow! I was thinking a lot this week about dreams I have given up based on the limitations I have put on myself and God. What's my deal? Why do I think that I need to give God a safety net? Even in my prayers, I always give Him choices. When will I simply believe that He will do what He says He is going to do? Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing okay with my faith. Like, I'm depending on God to do what He says He will do in most areas. Then, when I'm faced with the facts, I realize the extent of my own organization of my life and contingency plans and realize that I'm really not believing God at all, but doing my own thing and asking Him to rubber-stamp my plans. Even though this has not been as bad the past several months (as I've been really praying more), I still feel like it's my biggest struggle. When will I stop doubting God's love for me and desire to bless me and simply believe? Lord, help me with my unbelief!